Friday, January 18, 2013

the work

My decision is to return to work after Motorcycle arrives. 
I will take maternity leave for the last month of school and enjoy summer break.  
Come late July, I will be back in the classroom teaching full time.  

Truthfully, there really was no decision to make. I never considered staying at home.  
credit: opensecrets
Financially, it makes sense and cents.  
Academically, I need to be in school to continue qualifying for my graduate school grant. 
Selfishly, I really love what I do.  

I am starting to realize that in my culture of middle class, Mormon  American norms, I am the exception to the rule.  I came from a working mom family.  This working mom taught me just as much as crafts at home moms teach their kids.  She emulates the example of a true mother.  She has set a high expectation for me to live up to.  What I take from her is that you can be a working mother and be nurturing, kind, and excellent at taking on the role of the most important job in the world. 

There are some major fears associated with returning to work. 

 I am really nervous about being a nursing mother who has no prep period and a lunch that is less than 20 minutes long.  However, I recently learned that there are federal laws associated with providing time during the work day to pump.  I don't know how this translates into being a teacher with 7 class periods, but I guess I will figure it out really soon. 

I am nervous about leaving little Motorcycle on a daily basis.  I have not even held him, but I can foresee how much I will miss him.  I even feel a little bit guilty.  I know that I am not committing a crime by leaving him, but it doesn't make it any easier. 

I am nervous about the fine balance of being a dedicated mother, teacher, wife, coach, graduate student, and runner.  How will I do it all and do it well?  Does it just come naturally, or does something have to give?  


5 comments:

Russell Family said...

There was once a church talk at conference by someone (i am horrible at remembering who said what) but it talks about our time and place as mothers and all! How there is a time and place for everything! And really my time is to be a stay at home mom... but I agree with everything you say for you! You time is to go back to work and finish school! I think motorcycle will thank you when older! You will be amazing parents, you will be an amazing mom(i know that cuz of how you are with your nieces and nephews) Things will have to change but I think you will figure it out as you go! (that is how I learned how to be a mom in the first place) You will be great... and there are laws that demand that you have a think 30 minutes every 3 hours to pump at your work place! You will be great! Motherhood/ Parenthood is the best! Good Luck figuring it out! It takes time but you are awesome so it will all work out!

-Kim Miller Russell

Kerri said...

i wondered if you had changed your mind about this or not. i remember us talking about this in college. i already wanted to stay home and you didn't. nothing has changed in all these years. we are who we are and we want what we want. i'm glad you have the choice to work since you want to. such a wonderful thing to have these choices as women.

and i agree, there are moms who make time for their children and moms who don't regardless of their choice to work or not. i'm confident you will make time for motorcycle.

my opinion though is that something has to give, even as a stay at home mom, something has to give. i can't be everyone and everything all the time. some women seem to do it all, maybe you will be one of those, i'm not. good luck with it all.

Bryn said...

Larissa!

We really, really have to talk more. This is an agonizing decision for me too - mostly because I love, love, love working in the classroom and then feel horribly guilty because I don't think I'd be as good or as happy a mother if I was a SAHM.

Unfortunately, childcare costs x 2 makes two working parents not the best idea for us and I've been exploring ways to work from home until more financially viable options come to light. We also talk a lot about Jas being the most awesome SAHD he would be.

Like you, my mom worked both out of the house and then went back full time and I always thought it made her a better mom. I was so proud of her and she taught me a lot through her job that I wouldn't have learned otherwise.

Anyhoo, you're amazing and when we move back we can totally help each other through this wonderful and yet challenging time in our lives :)

Bryn

amberdat said...

wow. that is a lot to take on!! you are going to be one busy woman but I am sure you will be great at everything. just don't think too much about it. take one day at a time and I am sure you will be great. you are a fabulous teacher!! good look in the last couple months of that pregnancy!

McKenna said...

You know, everyone has an opinion on this topic but what I've decided is this:

There isn't a mom, or a parent out there that isn't going to do what is best for their family and child. Whatever someone decides to do is because, in their situation, it is the very best thing they can do for their family.

I respect your decision to go back to work because like you said, it is the right decision for you guys for many reasons. So there you go, that is that. It is right for your family and that is a done deal and everyone else's opinion doesn't matter.

You will be an awesome mom. Being a new mom myself I'm tired just reading about everything you are going to try to fit in... but you know what, you'll figure it out. And if something does have to give, you will look at that sweet boy's face and that will make it all worth it. It is basically the best feeling ever.