Thursday, October 16, 2014

the boston decision

Remember how I qualified for Boston?  Remember how it was a goal and dream I had referenced for more than several years?

The Boston registration process began weeks ago, and I forfeit my opportunity to register.  I did this with hesitation but stalwart confidence that comes with being a mortgage-owing, recent grad school graduate, future mom of several children, owner of tight budget, wife of nursing school student, working mom--RUNNER.  In other words, there are way too many crucial purchases and commitments for me to chase my running dreams on the east coast at this time.  I hate that it comes down to not being able to justify a big fancy running trip among the many many bills.  It is what it is.  

It does hurt my heart.  I reached a level of running that a very small percentage of runners will ever even reach.  I accomplished a goal that seemed nearly impossible.  More than anything, I did it during my first year as a mom, first year in a school leadership position, and last year of my graduate program.  To say my time was stretched didn't even scratch the surface.  In many ways I believe that this is why I succeeded with the lofty goal.  My commitments demanded that I was using my time wisely in every little way. I also believe that my very recent experience in childbirth with no pain medicine opened my eyes to what my pain threshold and endurance really is.  The bottom line is that I am a tough cookie.  I inherently knew I could run my goal marathon time because of my ability to embrace childbirth as a process and conquerable goal.  

When April comes around I will be sad.  I will always wonder what if.  However, I find solace in knowing that I ran the intended time.  I find solace in knowing that I thrived during a potentially tumultuous year.  I find solace in knowing that I still have many Boston years left to qualify and live that dream.  

Meanwhile, I run a half marathon in November.  I embrace the dark winter months of running.  I do well with those months.  Something about it being not easy to run in single digits makes me want to get out the door even more.  A 2015 marathon will fall in there somewhere.  Track season in the spring will bring me coaching time and sprinting time. 


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