The Boston registration process began weeks ago, and I forfeit my opportunity to register. I did this with hesitation but stalwart confidence that comes with being a mortgage-owing, recent grad school graduate, future mom of several children, owner of tight budget, wife of nursing school student, working mom--RUNNER. In other words, there are way too many crucial purchases and commitments for me to chase my running dreams on the east coast at this time. I hate that it comes down to not being able to justify a big fancy running trip among the many many bills. It is what it is.
It does hurt my heart. I reached a level of running that a very small percentage of runners will ever even reach. I accomplished a goal that seemed nearly impossible. More than anything, I did it during my first year as a mom, first year in a school leadership position, and last year of my graduate program. To say my time was stretched didn't even scratch the surface. In many ways I believe that this is why I succeeded with the lofty goal. My commitments demanded that I was using my time wisely in every little way. I also believe that my very recent experience in childbirth with no pain medicine opened my eyes to what my pain threshold and endurance really is. The bottom line is that I am a tough cookie. I inherently knew I could run my goal marathon time because of my ability to embrace childbirth as a process and conquerable goal.
When April comes around I will be sad. I will always wonder what if. However, I find solace in knowing that I ran the intended time. I find solace in knowing that I thrived during a potentially tumultuous year. I find solace in knowing that I still have many Boston years left to qualify and live that dream.
Meanwhile, I run a half marathon in November. I embrace the dark winter months of running. I do well with those months. Something about it being not easy to run in single digits makes me want to get out the door even more. A 2015 marathon will fall in there somewhere. Track season in the spring will bring me coaching time and sprinting time.