Thursday, April 21, 2016

the role of mom take two

I've had my fair share of ups and downs since Riley Kay joined our family.  Despite this, I can't help but think that this gig is a heck of a lot easier the second time around.  When people ask me if she is a good baby, my response is always yes...and I always say it's a combination of her being truly a good baby but also me knowing what I am doing much more this time.  

With Callum I always felt like I was no where near ready to have another baby.  The thought was traumatizing and impossible to me.  I didn't really warm up to the idea of having a second baby until he was closer to being two. 

With Riley I already want another baby!  The pain and intensity of labor is still fresh in my mind but I can't help but think about adding to our family.  

The other big thing is that I couldn't comprehend sharing and adding my love to another child.  I almost felt bad for Callum..in a way.  People tell you that your heart just grows...you don't truly comprehend this neat instinct until you have another child.  My joy and love has indeed multiplied...and maybe that's why I see how I have room for another child, even now, so soon after her birth. 

I also was terrified about having a girl.  There are things about girls that do terrify me...most of these things don't come up until many years down the track.  For now, I can't believe I was ever worried about buying her cute things and dressing her in girly clothes.  She's precious and beautiful.

On a more personal note, this time around has me feeling a lot more self conscious and paranoid about making sure my body returns to what I want it to be.  I tend to be really hard on myself so I really should take everything in this area with a grain of salt.  However, I won't be content until I reach certain milestones.  Said milestones...run an endurance/tempo run at normal intensity with no aches/pains, wear all of my jeans, and lastly but not that important is to lose the remaining 12-14 pounds that I gained during pregnancy.  Now for some detail on each.  I have already returned to running and hit an 830 mile pace without too much effort, but I'm battling the side stitches that I remember getting with Callum.  I remember they went away with time...anxious for that time to come.  The jeans thing is showing progress. It seems that each week I try on jeans that I'm getting a little smaller.  What can I say?  My butt and hips got wider.  I don't want to be smaller than what I was previous but I do want to be able to wear my regular old jeans without jumping off of a building to get there.  Lastly, I realize that for my height my weight right now at the sixth week is an acceptable and normal weight.  However, I've been in the 135-140 weight range for a good 6 or 7 years and have no reason to not maintain that now.  Again, I shouldn't be hard on myself.  I've come incredibly far in six weeks and truly need to let my body do its thing (and let nursing work its magic).  

In summation, my life is so much better now that I am a mother.  When I look at my two littles, I truly believe I was given babies that are far greater than me.  I'm humbled to call them mine and will do my best to be what they deserve.  


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